is this the end?

or the exit?

I finally blocked you today. It’s been long overdue.

I held on for so long—because I had hope.

I had a whole fantasy in my head. You lose your job, you fall in a deep depression and retreat inward for over a year, you experience what you did to me, from someone else, you realize how much you hurt me, then you come back to apologize but I ignore you. Or I could tell you “Thanks the apology, but it’s too late for that”. Maybe we could reconnect, but only as friends.

I wanted to stick around and find any evidence that you were thinking about me. You discarded me, and I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I’m not as forgettable as you made me feel, I’m not trash, we had something real, and I didn’t imagine it. I wanted proof that it wasn’t just me feeling haunted by your absence.

Instead I watched you bloom. Every photo, you were more beautiful. Your locs were growing, long and thick. Your skin, glowing & soft. You looked rested, and full of joy. You moved to your dream city, working your dream job, living your dream life, while I sat quietly, feeling forgotten. Losing sleep because the tears were flowing. Or I was filled with rage. or restless with grief, even.

I was grieving, while the universe was blessing you.

But it’s easy to forget how curated social media is. People share the good things and the beautiful things. I don’t know what’s actually happening behind the filtered pictures and pretty smiles, Maybe that’s a good thing.

What I do know is… you hurt me, and I carried it alone in the quiet. I had to sit with the weight of something you walked away from. I deserved better.

But your life is not mine to look into.

I choose peace now.

I can’t act like this peace doesn't hurt. Blocking you feels like a funeral. I’m laying our story to rest, despite never getting the ending I wanted. It’s a goodbye I never got to say. I finally admitted that you’re never coming back.

This was my final act of letting go. Not because I want to, but because I need to. I cannot carry it anymore. I am exhausted. Blocking you isn’t about anger, or revenge. It’s about survival. I’m drowning and I need air.

Here is our ending. Not a conversation or a reunion. It’s just me, walking away tired, & heavy. I’m locking the door, taking a deep breath, and walking towards my own peace.

If you’ve ever had to grieve someone who was still alive, or let go without closure…I see you. You’re not alone. Feel free to share your story in the comments, if it feels right. I’ll be reading.