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Elena:

I can say with the truest of compassion — I feel you; I know that pain. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad — twice, as you say so poignantly.

I’ve taken the liberty of attaching a link to a post by @MaryAnn Burrows. She’s written some profound words, prose and poetry, about the grieving she’s experiencing having just recently lost her dad.

I, too, lost my dad twice. It’s a very long and complicated heartbreaking story — probably much like yours (the complicated part).

After reading MaryAnn’s post, I commented a little about my own grief — Again, I’ve taken liberties, and should my words be unwelcome, please know they are only meant to be empathetic (but, let me know if I’ve crossed the “too personal” boundary).

Here were my thoughts yesterday, beginning with a quote from MaryAnn’s post:

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“…be cautious of the choices you make while grieving.”

Wise words, MaryAnn, and all of us whose lives are upended in grief still have to make choices — life proceeds even though we’re not in step.

It’s really difficult to not berate oneself for not seeing things more clearly, to not have thought through quite as thoroughly ordinary and everyday decisions, to wonder how long before balance will be regained.

I’ve not yet found that steadiness, that strength, that assuredness, that confidence.

Grief has such an unwieldy immensity to it; it overwhelms at times out of the blue, even after years.

The hardest part is being able to forgive oneself for “taking too long,” for not “moving through it,” for the regret of not having apologized, for not asking so many questions when now it’s too late.

Grief and regret are very heavy — for me, their weight has never lessened. I do accept the consequences of and responsibility for a part of that. Nonetheless, my heart aches for what was, the stolen time, for words unsaid, for separation, and mostly for missing love and laughter where now there is only silence.

https://substack.com/@maryannburrows/note/c-130740566?r=4j0ba7&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action

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